Message Incoming...

Source Melchizedek.0294

Exiting Sol

Ascension 00h 25m 45.07036s

Declination –77° 15′ 15.2860″

Distance 0.01ly

Equinox J2000.0 SOL

Year 2183, QEC adjusted

[Autotranslator enabled...]

[Personal Log Entry]

Jerome Somerset Pasani, Warrant Master

:::

Hi mom,

This is really happening. I've been on the long-haul transport

racket for nearly a decade but nothing could come close to what

we're about to do. We're all trained as well as we can be and

they've stacked this bucket full of geniuses. I told you Moussa is

coming with us too. It'll be great to have a friend along, to know

someone on the other side of all this.

I just can't believe I'm actually saying goodbye. It feels unreal,

like it's happening to another person. We're no further away than

I've been before but once we kick on the grav and slip into those

coffins that's it. You, dad, Lisa... I knew I'd never see you

again, you'd never see me again. We talked about it, you know

I believe in this work, that it's worth it. It's worth my life,

all of our lives. It's worth a planet and more because we're

saving life itself. But I can't lie, I hate it too.

Dad was a true stoic at dinner. I know you were embarrassed by

what happened, but I don't blame you. I wish dad acted more like

you. I was a blubbery mess last night when I got home and I sat in

the oxygenator for ten minutes this morning to get rid of the bags

under my eyes before coming aboard. I'm just going to miss you all

so much. The words don't do it. I love you. I love you all so

much.

I don't want you to mourn, please. I know what dad said, but it's

not like that. I'm not gone, I'm just far away. Your son will live

far, far into the future and you can always feel good knowing I'm

out there somewhere doing what's needed. When your days are up and

you're ready to move on I'll be out there still. You can take some

solace in that and never have to worry or fear. When I wake up

I'll do my duty. Each and every day I will wake up and thank God

for such a wonderful family and such caring, loving parents. Yes,

loving. I don't care what we went through or argued about growing

up. I'll thank God for you every day, I swear. I'll go on and live

my life and do everything I can to keep on living, to keep life

going across the galaxy.

We're agents of the almighty, right? That's what you taught Lisa

and me in Sunday school. We're little temples that move, holy

islands acting as agents for God. Well your holy agent is doing

his best and he will continue.

Don't mourn, please. I'll be sleeping for a while, that's all. And

when we wake up I'll make you so proud of me. I have to. This has

to be worth the cost.

Oh mom, how can I do this to you?

You've been through so much.

I have to do it, but you never volunteered. How can I take that

pain away? Even this best of actions is causing you pain. How can

I come to grips with it? How can that be justified? We've got

a Seriph on board. Maybe I'll ask her. Or maybe not. She's likely

to slap me for being too emotional or something.

Oh I wish you could have met everyone before we set out. Maybe

that would have made it easier, knowing them, knowing I won't be

totally alone. But then, what am I leaving you with.

If dad isn't there for you then please call Lisa. She'll talk to

you and you can help each other. She knows about this work, she

can even explain how we do what we do. It's not all machines and

computers, I swear. It's microbes and onions and human hearts.

It's all the good of God wrapped up in a bottle we're flinging at

the stars. Isn't that beautiful?

Please, Mom. Don't grieve.

I really hope this letter doesn't make things worse. I just want

you to... I don't know. I want to take the sadness away and fill

you with hope and joy and pleasure knowing that I'm doing what I'm

called to do. But maybe that's not something I can just tell you

and have it work. It took me such a long time to understand this

calling in myself, how can I expect you to get it from a letter

while you're dealing with the loss of a son.

This is too much for today, I think. I'll set it aside for a bit

and send it later. Maybe I can get the QEC to relay it when the

time is right and you've had a bit of time to heal.

I love you, Mom. And Dad too. Give my best to Lisa and tell her

I'm counting on her. She better take good care of you two.

.