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A Constellation of Ideas

Another Entry in the Gemlog of dazlab.

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###The River

My mind is a cacophany of chaos, alternating between screaming and silence. I'm either one thing, or I'm the other. Sometimes both, and occasionally neither. The pendulum swings, and I just swing right along with it.

What does all this mean? Let's imagine, for a minute, that all of existence is merely a piece of land split by a river. The river is how you get from Point A to Point B; it's a conduit, but life is not the `River`. Life is the things you see happening along the banks as you drift past. You're `supposed` to step out and experience the myriad things that happen on those riverbanks, yet life for me is just drifting, never stepping out onto one bank or the other. I float through existence, watching others live. Because to step out onto either bank would be to commit to living a certain life, you see, to being a certain kind of person.

So I commit to nothing. I drift, and the River takes me where it will. And often it leads me nowhere, feeling nothing. Consequently, it would be a massive understatement to observe there's a degree of passivity to me existence.

Let's frame all of this in another analogy. I have oftentimes found myself standing at a junction, a time and a place where my aimless wandering eventually forces me to make an active choice, to go in one direction or the other; and this is how I feel currently. However, I feel like I don't have a destination. There's nothing to strive for, no living to be done, yet the choice stands before me all the same. Do I go Left, or Right.

And on that particular note, I suppose we could examine my political philosophy, of which there is none. I don't subscribe to the Left/Right paradigm any more than I step onto one bank or the other. I'm in the River, remember? People like to label things, though, so you could package up this apolitical stance as Libertarianism, and it wouldn't be too much of an ill-fitting hat. But even that would require a commitment on my part, and I make no such commitment. In that sense, I just want to be left alone. I care only for the things that have a direct affect on my everyday existence, because there is no sense is getting riled up over things that you can't control. That way lies madness.

For me, life is just a series of reminders that nature knows best.