Validation
All I know about myself is that everything I do is to be acknowledged by someone to feel good about myself for actually doing something that brings value to someone. But by doing that I don't get to do what I like, but because I have been doing it for so long I don't even know what I want. I feel shallow when talking to other people I feel like I all I can bring to the conversation is existential dread.
It seems like I know the answer to the problems I am having but I just can't dig deep enough to find the answer. I guess that's one of the reasons I started journaling maybe in due time I will realize what I want from myself as a person and start doing things that I want.
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Are you sure you're not doing what you like - including the reflecting back on what you did as though it wasn't what you like part? ;-)
Sometimes I also feel that way. Sometimes I imagine somebody praising me for eg. speaking/learning a number of languages. As if it made a difference whether anybody else knows or cares about whatever I learn. Yet I cannot help but sometimes cater to that part of my ape brain that wants recognition. Silly huh?
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