+1 (irony) for the loneliness in writing thing. I am alone a lot, but I DO choose to be alone in my apartment, not have a room mate, partner, or even dog, as other living things in my residence drives me literally insane. I avoided living with partners and (re)adopting a dog for this reason. I won't even care for an herb garden (though would care for some herb) ;)

I volunteer at clubhouse, cooking lunch and breakfast on days they have it, and it's socially satisfying, but when I am at home I am most at peace, and can just let my thoughts flow and muster until I have been at it too long and need to interrupt the inner monologue.

I am lucky for this, for clubhouse, as I was 100% (unavoidably) alone in STL. I had a couple friends to chat with a couple times a week, but that meant drinking, as they were uncomfortable hanging with other who WEREN'T drinking, as they both drank daily. I no longer drink, and I am glad for that.

The writing happens for my own longterm pleasure/requirement. I've done this (wrote a lot, daily) since age 8, and nary took a year or two away at times in my life. 2023 saw almost no writing from me, or early 2024. The loneliness is temporary and voluntary these days, and I am ok with both (company and loneliness) though I consider the latter solitude now, as I effectively don't NEED/WANT people around when I don't have people around. Hell, I keep my phone on Do Not Disturb and don't even reply to some e-mails on purpose, just to avoid the hassle. And also to avoid emotional burden. I need/want total quiet and darkness and calm in my home as much as possible. Unless I turn on a song or a video, I need not hear anything other than a fan, AC unit or crickets.

so it is..

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~wolfinthewoods wrote (thread):

yeah, i have a few social outlets

mostly socialist groups in town

and aa

(although i'm not a 12 step believer, just

a fan of supporting and getting support from

others in the same boat)

i do have a little terrier that's my best friend

he's basically my son, her and i never had kids

but we had him and he keeps me sane

in my life i have tended towards a more

casual misanthrophy

i usually keep people at arms distance

just because so many people can be

volatile and have irrational attitudes

that really are hard for me to bite my tongue around

i suppose what i really miss is mostly that

close intimacy with a partner

our hearts were so intertwined that now that

she's gone, it's hard to feel the beat of my own

silence is sarcosanct for me

i'm actually planning on moving to a small town

nearby, even smaller than where i am

it's nice and quiet and only has one store

only 15min from here so it wont be a hassle

to get supplies

but that's probably a 4-6 month plan

need to get out of the tent first

especially before winter

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