7.7

the two best songs in the world today are watch me jumpstart by GBV and easily fooled by pavement. yep

has anyone researched the healing properties of a cosmic brownie yet

7.6

saw my most intense ex from college at tschüss x sorority house bikini night. my life is a teen drama and not a very highbrow one

7.5

this passage makes me want to do backflips

“In his forty-third year William Stoner learned what others, much younger, had learned before him: that the person one loves at first is not the person one loves at last, and that love is not an end but a process through which one person attempts to know another.

They were both very shy, and they knew each other slowly, tentatively; they came close and drew apart, they touched and withdrew, neither wishing to impose upon the other more than might be welcomed. Day by day the layers of reserve that protected them dropped away, so that at last they were like many who are extraordinarily shy, each open to the other, unprotected, perfectly and unselfconsciously at ease.

Nearly every afternoon, when his classes were over, he came to her apartment. They made love, and talked, and made love again, like children who did not think of tiring at their play. The spring days lengthened, and they looked forward to the summer.”

7.4

am getting rid of all the clothes that i never wear & make me feel bad and in the process i tore up my room so much that i had to sleep on the couch last night

went to a dinner party with alexis last night in soulard and it was lovely! i love being in soulard it feels like an island. or another borough of st. louis. it feels far away even though it’s a 12 min drive from my house. we sat on their huge balcony and watched the arch fireworks from afar. i’ve been dreading fourth of july because it’s so loud but these ones were silent from far away and it was perfect. we listened to american pie which struck me once again as a beautifully written song. i loved it as a kid and i love it more now. i respect that it’s almost 9 minutes long, they honestly should’ve kept going

7.3

i bought the tomato vine mrs meyers cleaning spray last night at target which i'm excited about..i've been rocking with the rain water one for a long time but it's time to switch it up. i put it back on the shelf for awhile bc the thing about tomato vine scent is that a main note is literally dirt lmao. do i want to be cleaning my kitchen with dirt smell.. but tomato scent is so nostalgic for me i'm crazy about it!

when i was a kid my family helped take care of an older woman in our church who lost her husband in the korean war. we used to go over there to keep her company and pick tomatoes from her giant plant outside. i remember being able to stand fully inside of it as a kid and the smell was overwhelming. i liked in hiding there, i was shy and she didn't speak english very well and sometimes i would get overwhelmed. she had a giant portrait of her husband in her living room that she would stand by and it would make me unbelievably sad.

but she always sent us home with these korean melon hard candies. they are a distinct flavor that is indescribable, i've never tasted anything like it since. they were a light green sphere with a wispy white stripe like a marble. i used to study the stripe before i ate it. i've looked for them multiple times throughout my life but i've mostly accepted that i will never have those specific ones again. she passed away a couple years ago and it still makes me tear up to think about, i don't fully know why

but i believe that was my introduction to the concept of regional flavors which i am obsessed with. in idaho they have huckleberry everything. it's wonderful because it truly tastes like a brand new berry you've never had before. the uninitiated think it's just blackberry but it's not, it's something you can't even imagine yet. i found a huckleberry seltzer at whole foods once and i freaked out because it was the first time i've ever seen huckleberry outside the PNW. it is truly an untapped flavor market. i would love to see it more here but i think it's beautiful that it's so contained to that region. in berlin i tried a fruit in a nightclub that i had never heard of before and couldn't pronounce. i can't remember what it tasted like, only that i liked it. i have hope that i'll come across it again and

it will transport me back to that moment. i had just eaten this mysterious fruit and then i turned to james and said "let's put our shirts back on and get the fuck out of here". we bought beers at the corner store across the street and drank them fast before the train ride home. that is a moment i would love to relive

7.2 2

poetry and rage tonight was awesome. went alone and ended up clocking gags (in the words of james) with @bigassbug for 5 hours. i need to learn when to go tf home. but i like reading my poems out loud it’s exciting! and it feels fun and special to have poetry and rage exclusive poems. you will have to hack into my teams chat with @foreverdirt in order to get your eyes on them

7.2

my visitor from detroit comes in less than a week! i can't believe it. i decided i'm not going camping this week anymore. i think i will go on some walks alone with my thoughts instead. maybe do a little smiling to myself. i'm very excited and it will be a lot of fun

i like the pavement songs that reference diseases. malaria in stereo, "small pox in the sudan" in give it a day. i am taking my pavement list very seriously because it gives me something to do at work. the other day i told sydney that i am slogging through the back catalog of terror twilight: farewell horizontal which is the roughest of all the deluxe albums. she said "yeah i noticed you had some bullshit on in the car but i wasn't gonna say anything" lmaooo

sat out on the balcony last night and wrote two new poems which i will (probably) read at poetry and rage open mic tonight. then gabe offered me "the deal of a lifetime" which was alex cooking us all teriyaki chicken and then we watch but i'm a cheerleader. and it rocked! gabe said "emma is this just based on your life.." and unfortunately it did feel like deja vu. no comment on that

similarly: sabrina on monday said "every time i listen to virgin i think of you" and it's like thank you but like

6.30 2

wore an outfit to pinball that i had to ask gabe if it was too “cookie monster hat/zendaya filipino swag” and it was ultimately gender affirming

saw my old roommate at chickfila today and we both pretended to not see each other which was honestly ideal. we will slip out of each other’s lives and that is a gift! took an old frisbee friend to pinball tonight who i never fully clicked with and it finally made sense and we felt like real friends. all is in balance..what a socially productive day. south city is st louis brooklyn confirmed

6.30

i'll be so happy during the weekend and then when i'm in the office on monday i'm anxious...what's going on. is there a cure

happy birthday to flounder user @bugleague!

6.29 2

can’t stop laughing about how merc had an improv show last night but we didn’t know the address and they weren’t responding so alexis and i tracked their location from find my friends. we rolled up to the masonic temple in the county like heyyyyy what’s up! i’ve never been so desperate to see improv on a saturday night in my life. so interesting

virgin on repeat this weekend! what a rich text i love that woman she’s a genius. i changed my mind on man of the year that’s a great song

river today was so effing beautiful i am addicted to it. merc said “this is like rock climbing except you can pee at any time” i love it i love it i love it

we kept saying “fuck everybody but us mindset” all day today for no reason it felt really good

6.29

went to the beach yesterday with G & A and made a day of it in fenton (soup dumplings, froyo, thrifting, ross/tjmaxx/ulta) A kept saying “we’re vacationing in the suburbs!!!”

today we are going to castor river shut ins which is just the mf spot this summer. i’m surprised no one has compared me to dua lipa (always on vacation)

6.27

woke up with a headache this morning (i interpret this as the life changing effects of rowen's ladder beginning to work) so i made homemade gatorade: juice of one lemon, water, sea salt. it is delicious and actually works i think. last night i agreed to go on two camping trips in july and today i'm wondering if this was foolish. i've only been camping once and i think the result will either be "i needed that" or "that was too much". only one way to find out! it will probably be good though, i'm not too worried. alexis is a pro at camping so actually i think it will be really easy and fun. i've been hitting all the other quintessential summer activities hard (swimming, eating watermelon, drinking beer) so let's throw camping in there why not!!!

i've been on a t break this week which has been surprisingly nice! i think i will end it after work today and go on a long walk. then i will shower , go to cbgb , hang out. hope that sounds good to everybody

bought a ticket to see Geese in detroit in october :)

6.26 2

someone made a tshirt for rowen’s poem 2girls. do you know how famous you have to be for someone to do that

6.26

started reading outline..rachel cusk i was not familiar with your game

two flounder excerpts that i have thought about every day:

ashley- "what do we have besides experiences"

bugleague- "i am happy on my own but i am not immune to Wanting"

6.25

being dead was so fun last night! got to defend @idi's honor by pushing the annoying guy and yelling STOP bc he was the sole person trying to mosh and kept running into them specifically. it did not work but it was worth the try. i listened to eels on the way to work today and now i am hearing it in a completely new light which is beautiful

guys i am really excited for the new lorde album this friday...i feel like i'm on her wavelength with the promo recently. i think man of the year sucks and hammer is a little on the nose but i like it. the deluxe album cover rocks. swiftologist has a really good video essay breaking down her rolling stone interview which i've been thinking about recently. she's been saying interesting things re: growing up and being in your body. she said that when she was younger she was always choosing someone to be god and she never let herself be truly alone. and that you're in the same body your entire life. "these arms climbed the jungle gym. they held an award on a tv show" i don't even think i have anything particular to say about that, i just like it & i've been thinking about it. i really take issue with some things she's said recently (esp the pamela anderson thing) but i just have grace for her idk, i think she is very obviously just trying to figure everything out and i appreciate how vulnerable she's being with this album. i think it will contain interesting ideas even if it's not a banger all the way through

6.24

womens sports are always more fun to watch than mens sports. no exceptions

i love my new haircut! my mom always told me i couldn't do layers because it would make my face look too round and now i'm realizing that that held me back from having a cool haircut for my whole life. wtf

6.23

i went swimming in the river far away with my friends yesterday and today i'm getting my hair cut at sabrina's house after work. quaint

6.20

today i got 5th in a puzzle competition, took a fireball shot and then made bracelets with my friends. we are so up

6.19

fran just fell off the bed but she didn't even move. it seemed like a trap door situation

gabe and i have been putting up big hours on the balcony this summer so far. i love summer because school is out and she's home way more. this morning we sat in the sun and discussed plans for fran's birthday (!) july 11th. write that down

last night during dinner we talked about how we are each other's favorite person to make laugh. sometimes we'll have guests over and i'll sacrifice the vibe to do a joke that only gabe will laugh at but it's so worth it

6.18

having a "i hate my stupid job im gonna freak out" kind of day

have started packing my glasses when i go out bc my contacts dry out my eyes by the end of the night. it’s getting geriatric in here

6.17

got a flat tire last night #mybad so my friend is driving me to work today which is actually fun & sweet

was gonna go swimming tonight but now i have to sit at my house and reflect on my flat tire. i'm grounded. i have got to get less stupid nowwwww

actually if alexis can drive me to the river tonight i'm ungrounded #summer #sorry

i've been slowly concocting a new playlist that feels entirely representative of how i feel at the current moment but it's on apple music so unfortunately no one will ever hear it

joke i'm running into the ground today: it's not clocking to you that i'm standing on business

6.16

foolish: girl goes to mj lenderman thinking she will be alone. instead she sees Everyone<3

my dad has started “training the fish” by feeding them almost every time he goes outside so that they’re ready and waiting when the grandson comes out to the water. then he can just put his pole down and catch one easily and it will be special for him :’)

i'm excited to see people at pinball tonight! i will bring a puzzle book of some sort

my goals this week are: 1. do 100 pushups at once and 2. compile a controversial list of best pavement songs while im in office. i think i have some curveballs

6.13

ok i seriously need to start closing out my tabs out bc i keep leaving my journals open on my phone and when i click on them it clears everything out ughhh

i've been waking up naturally at 6am every day which is amazing. B said "do you think it's from the time change with traveling" and i said no i think it's called discipline

summer ins list: (everyone memorize this)

swimming

racquet sports in a chill way

friends over for dinner

four square (duh)

watching people play video games

reading at least 10 pages a day

calling your friends briefly instead of texting

poetry events

excusing yourself to have a moment alone with the cat

cigarette emoji to mean "that was some real shit you just said"