Coming home

Apologies for the sloppy writing, I wanted to finish this in one go, while everything is still fresh in my mind.

The first time I moved to another country was in August 2017, moving from Patras to Abu Dhabi. It was also the first time I would live alone, having lived with my parents until then since I studied at my hometown. Leaving for Abu Dhabi was somewhat exciting but also a bit scary and sad. I would be in a long-distance relationship and was also planning on doing a PhD abroad, meaning I would be away for several years.

I didn't know where I would do my PhD at the time but it was certain I'd have to leave Abu Dhabi after a year. This made my stay there feel temporary. Even though I made friends in Abu Dhabi and look back to many of my experiences there fondly, it never felt like home. Knowing I would leave within a year, I never mentally settled-in.

I changed countries again in September 2018, this time moving to London to start my PhD. I wasn't in the best of moods in the months leading up to the move. This was due to a mix of personal problems, burnout, and being stuck in Abu Dhabi for most of the summer. I also knew I would be starting a PhD with a supervisor I didn't personally know, always a significant risk, adding to the anxiety and uneasiness. On top of that, I also had doubts on whether a PhD was a good fit for me and a gut feeling that I am making a mistake. So the move to London wasn't particularly exciting, but also not as bad as the above probably make it seem. It had more of a “let's see how this goes” vibe I think.

It took a long time for London to feel like home. I think this was partly to the previous year of feeling my stay in Abu Dhabi is temporary and partly not trying enough to make London my home. In retrospect, an important aspect of feeling at home is turning a house into a home. Not just some place you live in but somewhere you can unwind in and be glad to return to. London felt even more like a home when I moved in with a good friend of mine in Brixton. Having someone to talk to, instead of returning to an empty house, gave me a much stronger connection to the place. It was made even stronger by how welcoming and friendly the people in Brixton are. I made many great friends and got closer to old ones while in London and I'm very glad I didn't listen to my fears and doubts.

The next move came in February 2023, this time to Munich. MY PhD supervisor had moved there a couple of years prior and I would be joining the Munich side of the lab. I was sad to leave my friends in London but the move to Munich was only for six months or so and I was kind of used to moving around by then. Not speaking German didn't help connect with people outside the lab, but then again, I didn't really try. The amount of work, combined with the self-imposed pressure to finish the PhD, didn't leave me with much time or will to socialize. Even though Munich was never my home, I made some really good friends there and I'm really glad for the time we spent together.

I'm currently in the Munich airport, waiting to board a flight to Athens. I'm finally moving back home. During the last seven years I felt that I was living two lives, one abroad and one in Greece. When abroad, I sometimes felt guilty for being mentally full there, as if I was somehow betraying my partner back in Greece. Visiting Greece, especially after longer absences, was also challenging. It took me around a day to acclimate, to deeply realize that the people I've been seeing on computer screens for so long are actually real and right there in front of me. But this won't be the case any more, I'm moving back to Greece.

I am a little sad, I've said quite a few goodbyes to very good friends during the last week. But I'm also very happy and excited to go back, by far the happiest I've been before any big move. I'll finally live together with the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, after seven years of living mostly apart. I'll be close to my family and to a lot of my best and oldest friends. To top it off, I'll soon finish writing my PhD thesis, something that has been a source of background anxiety for too long now. With the PhD coming to a close, I'm slowly feeling capable of making long-term plans. I'm going back home and at the same time starting a new chapter in my life. Exciting times ahead!

Sotiris 2024-10-10