Avoiding journaling

I've had, for a couple years now, a good habit of journaling near-daily. I've fallen off the wagon a bit, though, and I think the reason why (aside from depression and hormone fuckery) is that I keep writing the same things, confronting the same questions without answers.

I've always had issues with fear of failure, tied up in a fear of rejection. When I want to find answers to "what would make me happy?" and "what life do I want to live?", the near certainty of not finding the answers makes it hard to start. I had a funny thought, though: maybe, like a physical task under GTD, those questions can be broken down? But then, of course, how does one "break down" a question like "what makes me happy?"

Maybe, the answer is to go through each thing I do now and ask myself how I feel about it. Learn a little better what happiness feels like to me. It's a slightly depressing thought that I don't know what happiness feels like out of the gate.

Today's journal entry was a list of the things I think I want out of life, big and small. It's a big list - encompassing things like physical and mental health, gender, social life, romance and sexuality, individual development and personal hobbies. I think my journaling project over the next few days will be to dig into each of the things I wrote down, see what I can make of it. It's just a touch frustrating that I feel like I tried to tackle a similar project in January and am still at this point. The question I was wrestling with then was "what does it feel like to want something?", which I've written about at regular intervals, it seems.

Am I brave enough to abandon a hobby?

Where insecurity ends and I begin

On wanting to appear productive

Maybe I should re-read my own posts more often.