#ups and downs

hey everyone. been a while, huh?

i've been busy posting to my blog and neglecting things over here. lot of shit has happened lately, lots to fill you in on.

went to canada.

made efforts to reach out to people more and make more friends.

broke up with my girlfriend.

that last one is recent, raw, and feels wrong to bring up online so soon. but also... this is a majpr thing in my life and it feels weird to not acknowledge it? that's why i'm putting it here, in a place most people aren't going to stumble upon it easily. (once again thankful for the privacy that gemini inherently provides)

i don't really know what else to say right now? sorry for neglecting my gemlog again lol. i was going to write a post after coming home from canada (when i visited my now ex-gf) but i was busy and/or tired most of the time since returning. and then things changed and talking about that trip no longer seemed like something i wanted to do or dwell upon. so yeah

i'm sad. don't think i've said that out loud much, but i am. it sucks things ended up this way. breakups are never fun. i'm also cautiously hopeful for the future - realising i need to take some time to work on myself and examine how things ended up how they did, and my role in that.

it feels wrong to try to distract myself or chill rn? keep sitting at home after work debating whether or not to play video games, then deciding i don't deserve it.

oh i did start a new crochet project though - making a rat for my friend's birthday! if i finish in time, i also have a pattern for a worm-on-a-string toy that im gonna crochet and make into a keyring for them. it must suck being friends with me now because you just get fuckin crochet gifts for every event. i may post a crochet update of recent projects on my weblog at some point? although the last project i worked on was a gift for my ex so that also feels.. odd? i do have a LOT of unposted works too though, as the friend i'm making a rat for also has a bunch of crochet gifts from CHRISTMAS they have yet to receive (life's been manic and we've not seen each other since november 2024, sad!)

i could touch on that "made efforts to reach out to people more and make more friends" line at the top of this post but ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my GOD believe me, that's fully its own story. which i WILL TELL!! PROMISE!! i fuckin promise i WILL regale you the tale of that hellish ordeal. but not right now. not the right tone or the right time

idk how to sign this off because it's an odd post that's all over the place. just like.. thanks to whoever happens to see this and read it. and thanks to vilmibm for hosting tilde.town and thus providing a little corner of geminispace to use as my own personal secret journal. thanks all