Lately I've been reading a lot of non-fiction books, especially self-help books, since I'd like to be a better person and lead a healthier life. well, I think it might be a good idea to share the books that helped me the most of all the ones I've read lately: "Stolen Focus" helped me a lot to understand how my attention was destroyed so much and how to interpret the signs that corrupt it, and then "The Courage to Be Disliked", I think this is the book that by itself helped me the most, this book is the only thing that taught me the path to how to become actually happy and not how to be just productive. you have any recomendations?
Apr 19 · 6 months ago · 👍 clseibold, Nilbog · ❤ 1
21 Comments ↓
As self-help books go, the books that completely changed my life were "The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense" and a few others by Suzette Haden Elgin, from last century but still good.
Before I was not even aware I was often verbally abused, bullied and manipulated -- just that I would often walk away wondering what the heck just happened. Our society promotes such terrible behaviour, and everyone needs to be able to kebosh it and even fight back.
This book actually showed me how to turn it around. I can even brush off bullies right here on BBS (I won't name names) and have a laugh at the clumsy attempts to dominate me.
🌻 Nexy [OP] · Apr 19 at 19:04:
That one sounds interesting! I'm managing that situations by myself very good after had some bully "friends" for a time and being able to stop them at some point, after that I never let someone dominate me (If I don't want to). But know more ways to handle people sounds very nice!
It's definitely worth a read, and you can pick up an old copy in eBay or online
You will be amazed and identify situations you were not even aware of where you were being pushed, I guarantee it. and there are recipes if how to respond--some situations are tricky, especially with people in power.
Also, I realized I was sometimes doing it to others and I think the book made me a better person.
🐝 undefined · Apr 20 at 01:39:
Not really. Have a distaste for self-help books, therapy also actually. Just feels like mental masturbation too often, where you spend all this time theorizing self-improvement without actually doing that much of it.
Read them if it helps you, but for me it doesn't seem to so I don't. That being said, if you're willing to learn from it, out of everything I've read, Crime and Punishment have affected my personality in a better direction the most, I think. Idk if others feel that way about it though, or just see at as a thriller that only draws from reality and is totally separate from it. For me though, I still look back on it to this day and ask myself, do you think like this, do you also believe those things and so on. A very humbling experience in the best sense of the word.\
The fact that it's a part of the school curriculum in most places and yet people seem to not even remember much of it is very surprizing to me still. Everything else I've read from Dostoevsky is great as well.
🚀 clseibold · Apr 20 at 02:01:
@undefined Definitely understand this regarding self-help books. I don't think therapy is the same thing, but a lot of "self-help" books are written by either people who don't knwo what they're talking about, or quacks who *claim* to know what they are talking about but don't.
Not every self-help book, probably, but the majority. That's because they are really easy to write, so people write them to gain a whole bunch of money, because they sell well. And I think they sell well because the books play on and sometimes manipulate people's insecurities.
It's more common than people think that a person who has a very dysfunctional life wrote a self-help book pretending to have it all figured out and recommending all these things. Self-help also sometimes overlaps with a lot of very unhelpful things like harmful spirituality (that's not to say all spirituality is harmful, btw), and also overgeneralized quack science and pseudoscience, including *some* of evolutionary psychology.
My recommendation is to skip *most* of the self-help books and just go to therapy with a therapist you trust. Also, read actual academic books, not self-help. They are vastly different and real academic books, even the ones for general readers, are far superior and you'll learn a ton more than from any self-help book. That's just my opinion.
People forget the power of fiction books sometimes. They don't have to be historical to be true, so I would also recommend Crime and Punishment! Venture into LGBTQ+ fiction books, theological or spiritual fiction books, scifi has a lot of philosophical stuff that gets you thinking about the world. Literature in general exposes you to new ideas, to other people's experiences. They increase your ability to empathize and understand other people, etc.
Don't shy away from fiction books. They are powerful and life-changing.
Here are some of my favorite books in general, some of which are comparable to self-help, just better and more accurate and academic, lol:
- My Name is Asher Lev
- Glittering Vices by Rebecca Konyndyk Deyoung
- Turtles All the Way Down
- Wrestling with God and Men: Homosexuality in the Jewish Tradition by Rabbi Steven Greenberg - as a gay person myself, this one *especially* resonated with me.
- Furthermore by Tahereh Mafi
- Divine Comedy
- Crime and Punishment
- Enfleshing Freedom: body, race, and being by M. Shawn Copeland
- Moby Dick
- As a Driven Leaf
- Crank and Glass by Ellen Hopkins
- The Brothers Karamazov
- Job, Ecclesiastes, and Jonah
- The Qur'an
- Just Love by Margaret A Farley
- The Hunger Games series
- Halakhah: The Rabbinic Idea of Law by Saiman
- The Arabian Nights
- Abraham Heschel
- A Very Large Expanse of Sea by Tahereh Mafi
- A Rainbow Thread by Noam Sienna
- Dorothy Day's books
- Henri Nouwen's books
- The First to Die At the End by Adam Silvera
- Kindred
- Dietrich Bonhoeffer's books, especially The Cost of Discipleship
- What If It's Us - Adam Silvera and Becky Albertalli
- Creating Spaces for Women in the Catholic Church Ed. by Sarah kohles
- Reforming Sodom: Protestants and the Rist of Gay Rights by Heather R. White
Also, don't let *some* people bully you by changing the subject.
🌻 Nexy [OP] · Apr 20 at 02:44:
As I said, allmost all self improvement books were just about being more productive and such, also the awful ones, like, idk, Jordan Petterson? are only cult leaders who wants some easy bucks, I'm not talking about that.
I'm talking about actual books who read them unlocks you a new way to see the world that actually help you in life, make you realize some traps the society have, like, to say a not self-improvement but in the topic, "burnout society" or anything of byung-chul han actually. that type of book.
🚀 clseibold · Apr 20 at 02:47:
@Nexy Makes sense. I agree I wouldn't call Byung-chul han's burnout society a self-improvement or self-help book, personally, so I guess that's where the confusion for me lied. I apologize.
I still think books like Burnout Society are vastly superior to the actual "self-help" genre.
Also, Burnout Society is a great book! We read it for our Christian Spirituality class in college.
🌻 Nexy [OP] · Apr 20 at 02:58:
Byung-Chul write very good books! I read some others of him and all expand more his way of view the world, they all are very nice.
and yeah, I don't think also Byung its a self-help writer, more just a philosopher, thats why I say "not a but in the topic".
But "the topic" it's "books that actually helped you in your life" so any recomenation was was very meningful for you it's welcome!
🌻 Nexy [OP] · Apr 20 at 03:00:
Probably I explained myself pretty bad since english in not my native lenguage, sorry if I'm not able to express myself well
Here is a fascinating example of a verbal attack!
You started with a request for self-improvement books, but were quickly upstaged, something "better" pushed, and you ended up apologizing!
This is precisely the kind of bullying Elgen books provide the tools for.
I could take it apart for you if you want and show you the tricks used to manipulate you into submission and apologies, if you want.
🌻 Nexy [OP] · Apr 20 at 04:10:
I just said sorry to de-escalate the situation so it wouldn't become a discussion I didn't want to have.
I was looking for if the book you named existed in epub, but it doesn't seem to exist in that format nor was it reissued, but there are many with similar titles by other authors.
@Nexy Found an epub on the Internet Archive. Also found a PDF of the sequel!
— The Gentle Art of Verbal Self Defense
— More on The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense
🌻 Nexy [OP] · Apr 20 at 05:12:
Yes I found that one, but is a scan of the book and not an actual e-book for e-readers. Very nitpicking Ik lol. but read scans in a ereader is not a good experience.
@Nexy If you click the "epub" link under "download options" for the first one, it is indeed a bonafide epub
🌻 Nexy [OP] · Apr 20 at 05:20:
Oh you are right! not well preformated but readable, ty!
🚀 clseibold · Apr 20 at 05:29:
@Nexy I have a lot of non-fiction books in my big list I posted by the way. I just wanted to add some fiction books, because I think they're oftentimes underrated or undervalued.
@Nexy I created a "kepub" version for my Kobo that might look cleaner for you
Verbal assault is used to assert authority and project apparent expertise, as well as dominate the space.
Our society often rewards such behaviour, calling it 'leadership skills' and sociopaths become really good at it.
@akrabu, thank you
🌻 Nexy [OP] · Apr 20 at 12:55:
@clseibold I also like fiction, and I don't think they are any less in any way. I've read some of the books on your list and i like them. I was just coming off a string of really good non-fiction books and wanted to talk about them in a more individual way.
@akrabu Thank you for taking the time to do that, I really appreciate it ✨
@stack Society rewards sociopaths in a multitude of ways in this system we live in.
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